I'm sitting here waiting on my boyfriend to get here and I've just started thinking. The relationship i have with him is so different than any other relationship I've ever had. But I guess that's what's making things work with him and I. He's been there for me through more than anyone I've known, even before we were dating too. He seems to make my heart jump out of my chest and there's nothing that makes me afraid anymore. I just think it's odd the way that we came together. I didn't expect it...
To be honest there was nothing between us in the beginning. I was interested in another friend of ours and I'd never even met him before. He was just this geeky little guy in the corner at out D&D game (: To be honest I thought he was so adorable. Kind of developed an instant crush on him. I didn't even know what to say, but I cast off the feelings and pursued my pursuer. I thought he'd be just another one of the guys that i kicked it with on Saturday nights.
I couldn't help it... Something about him just got to me. We became fast and close fiends. He became the best friend I'd had in a long, long time. He'd come over after classes, or any other day, and we'd stay up all night playing video games, talking, doing nothing and he was there for me when i needed someone the most: When my family was falling apart. My mom went in and out of the hospital after surgery. She was fighting with her, then, boyfriend, and we were having to deal with my grandparents telling us we weren't fit to care for my sister. He was there for me even more than my, then, boyfriend was. Without him... I would have been lost. Still, I felt like there was nothing between us besides a strong friendship.
I guess I should give a bit of a time line for this. It all started in about April of '08 and by this time it's about November of '08. A lot happened in that 8 months. Way more than I could even hope to type out. But all in all... It brought him and i closer and closer. Not all at once though. It mostly started around October. That's when i began having all the issues with my, then, boyfriend. He was ignoring me, making jokes at my family's expense, and just in general being an overly controlling, jealous boyfriend. I couldn't deal with it anymore. I was done. Well, I thought I was.
I tried to tell my, then, boyfriend that it was over... I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't hurt him. I'm not that kinda person. So, I just cried and cried to Kurtis about everything going on. He, as the best friend, was just trying to help me with anything he could think of to fix my relationship. But, it just wasn't working. Nothing was helping. So, I decided it was time to break it off. I couldn't handle crying myself to sleep anymore. When i tried to talk to him... All hell broke loose. He told me he'd kill himself if i left him. I took him back. I couldn't have that on my mind. It got worse a week later...
He proposed to me and I accepted. What else would i do? He told me he'd kill himself. I was so lost. I talked to Kurtis about it and he said I needed to figure out what I wanted. It just got worse. My, then, boyfriend got more clingy, more controlling, and more pushy. THEN, that's when everything changed. I started to see different things in Kurtis. His looks, his personality, his everything. All the thinks i noticed before, but in a different light. i was to confused. On the one hand i had my "fiance" and in the other i was falling in love with my best friend. i needed to get away. I was able to for a while though. well, at least a day. i went to san jose for new years eve with Kurtis and a few of my other friends. That night was so interesting.
I finally was able to come to terms with my feelings with Kurtis, after a few drinks that is, and tell him. I was so scared. But, I felt like i had to tell him. I tell him everything else. He's my best friend. Why should i hide this from him? it was just him and i sitting outside and i kinda brought it up in conversation casually.
"Hey, I have to talk to you about something."
"Everything okay, Nes?"
"Yea, but I've been hiding something from you and i don't think it's fair."
*he waits for me to say something*
"Lately with everything going on... I've developed more than friendly feelings for you."
*pauses* "well, I can say the same"
I don't really remember much after that cause my heart was all a flutter. But, He was afraid to be the reason me and my, then, boyfriend broke up. I promised him that he wouldn't be. So, despite what had transpired between Kurtis and I, I kept trying to fix my relationship. There was still no fixing it. After another week or so of talking to my boyfriend I left him. I couldn't do it anymore... Not soon after, later that day actually, Kurtis and I were an item. He didn't ask me and i didn't ask him... it just was. It's hard to explain but we understand.
That was 1|9|09 and the day before my 19th birthday. It's been almost a year now and it's been the happiest year of my life. He's the world to me and not only is he the love of my life, but my best friend. I'm so glad that i took that chance to tell him how i felt about him. If i didn't then i don't know if we'd be together right now. We can kick it and watch a movie or just lay in bed in each others arms. It's been the most amazing time of my life. even with everything going on with my family. He's my one and only love. I've never felt for anyone the way i feel for him. I'm so thankful for him.
Baby, I just want to tell you thank you, I love you, and I think i could possibly spend the rest of my life with you.
